I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSWhen doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS