black
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

W. C. Fields

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

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