Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSWhen doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS -
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS -
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS -
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS -
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS