Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDSWhen doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS -
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS