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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

W. C. Fields

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

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