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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

W. C. Fields

Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

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