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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

W. C. Fields

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

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