Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDSFew things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I drink therefore I am.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS