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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

W. C. Fields

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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