I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDSI’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS