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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W. C. Fields

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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