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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W. C. Fields

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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