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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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Control Food Myself Strong

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird

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