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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

W. C. Fields

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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