I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDSI am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDSSome people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDSNever try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDSI cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDSI never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDSI used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDSComedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDSA man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDSI drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDSAlcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDSDuring one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDSTake me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDSNow don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDSI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDSTrust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS