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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

W. C. Fields

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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