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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

W. C. Fields

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

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