I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDSI never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS -
I drink therefore I am.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS -
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS -
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS -
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS -
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS -
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS -
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS