Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLENI have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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