My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLENIn marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLEN






