I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLENIn marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLEN