Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLENI have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN