I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENFor years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I do a lot of family shows.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLEN