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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

Tim Allen

My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLEN

Funny Golf Lost Missing Play Sports Yourself
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Borrow Man Tools
Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLEN

Appearance Listening Noise Thinking Voice Yourself
If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
TIM ALLEN

Break Fix Repair Yourself
I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Growth Hunter Love Myself Skin Vegetable
Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLEN

Independent Man Travel
I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
TIM ALLEN

Beginning Comedy Hard Work Hold Stand Thinking
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Man Own
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
TIM ALLEN

Existence Goodness Live Myself Relationship
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLEN

Day Himself Interest Love Man
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN

Death Dog Food Leaving
I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN

Age Different Disappoint Love Myself Preference Woman
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLEN

Direction Flight Plane Reality
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Beginning Humanity Time Yourself
Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLEN

Hands Listening Story

I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

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Popular Authors

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