My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLENI’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLEN