I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLENBeing wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLEN