I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLENI don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLENWhen I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLENWhen you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
TIM ALLENMy mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLENI think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLENTo get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLENI’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLENMen are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLENBeing wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLENI do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENComedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLENMy stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
TIM ALLENMy dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLENMan is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLENI wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN