I have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLENJill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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