Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENAs the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLEN