Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
TIM ALLENBoys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
TIM ALLENI love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLENI know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENMen are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENI’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLENBut separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLENMy stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
TIM ALLENElectricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLENI do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENIn my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLENI think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
TIM ALLENIn marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLENI blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLENI have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
TIM ALLENI love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN