Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTIt was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Clones are people two.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT