How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT