Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT






