If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Clones are people two.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT