I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT