How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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