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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

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Day Life Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Lost Myself Place Thinking
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Better Doctor Myself Pay Right Work Yourself
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Appearance Different Fingers Hands
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Far Forever Goodness Immortal Live Myself
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Children Friendship Himself
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Funny Man Sad Yourself
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Memories Myself Past Thinking
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Drive Learning Yourself
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Myself People
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Hairs Himself Mirror Reflection See
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Difference Ideas Person Research Steal
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Hands Myself Science Yourself

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