I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHTMonday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT