I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHTMonday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Clones are people two.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT