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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Addiction Difference Myself Quit
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Children Deep Difference Growth Learning Old Philosophy See Teaching Yourself
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Eyes Myself Prescription Ran Walk
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Friendship Gift Myself Sex
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Inspirational Motivational Struggle Way Wrong Yourself
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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