Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
RON WHITEMother, she likes the blue material just fine.
More Ron White Quotes
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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The bulk of my fans are my age, and I’m aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it’s addicting, really.
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A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.
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I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
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I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
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If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.
RON WHITE