Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
RON WHITEYou can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.
More Ron White Quotes
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I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
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If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
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Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
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It never dawned on me that I had the option of becoming a comedian. I come from a little dirt street town in northwest Texas, and they really don’t talk about the arts there much on career day.
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I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.
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People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
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I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.
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I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.
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Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
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If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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I was always a funny guy. I don’t think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn’t a funny guy when they were young.
RON WHITE






