Humor Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Humor with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Humor quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.
TINA FEY

Collector Country Funny Humor Penny People Person Pound Thousand Year
Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Music
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman
I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Two
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
JAMES THURBER

Chaos Emotional Humor Remember Tranquility
Ma’am, when I got up this morning, I didn’t want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Morning
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest
No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there’s Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Uncles
Humor is wit and love.
WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY

Humor Intelligence Love One Liner Smart
I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Girl Humor Remember
Wit and humor belong to genius alone.
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES

Funny Genius Humor One Liner
Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Honey Humor
People of humor are always in some degree people of genius.
SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE

Always Degree Genius Humor People Some
An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
TINA FEY

Country Funny Government Humor Include Interim Job Minister Set Whom Women
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
BO BURNHAM

Dirty Funny Humor
There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Humor Long Met People
No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.
SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE

Deficient Humor Mind Organize Sense Throughout
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
AL FRANKEN

Humor Look Really Sense Terrorist
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
BILL HICKS

Drug Funny Humor
Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Funny Humor Women
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Magazine True
Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.
BILL MURRAY

Deep Dying Humor Thought
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Soul
I feel like humor is a part of life. I don’t think it comes through as much in the novels as it does in my head.
STEPHENIE MEYER

Feeling Head Humor Life Myself Novel
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
TINA FEY

Asociation Country Funny High Humor Met National Official Rifle School Student
I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
BILL HICKS

Average Funny Humor

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