“Wit and humor belong to genius alone.”

That one man scorned and covered with scars Still strove with his last ounce of courage To reach the unreachable star.

Virtue is the truest nobility.

For a man to attain to an eminent degree in learning costs him time, watching, hunger, nakedness, dizziness in the head, weakness in the stomach, and other inconveniences.

Anyone who does not know how to make the most of his luck has no right to complain if it passes by him.

The pen is the tongue of the mind.

The gratification of wealth is not found in mere possession or in lavish expenditure, but in its wise application.

He who gives early gives twice.

Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds.

A closed mouth catches no flies.

Great expectations are better than a poor possession.

What man can pretend to know the riddle of a woman’s mind?

A Man Without Honor is Worse than Dead.

One of the most considerable advantages the great have over their inferiors is to have servants as good as themselves.

Patience and shuffle the cards.

Woman’s advice has little value, but he who won’t take it is a fool.

The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune’s spite; revive from ashes and rise.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”

My kids are no different than anyone else’s – they tend to disagree with everything I say!

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.