Funny Quotes

I don’t do comedy. I think if a situation is funny you just play it for real and if it’s funny, it’s funny.

Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.

I wasn’t kidding when I said crashed my car on the sidewalk.

You know what they say, dress your best when you go to bed because you don’t know who you’ll see in your dreams.

I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.

A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.

I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’

Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.

The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.

It’s funny – sometimes the strongest individuals feel the worst when events are out of their control, and they can’t really be there for the people they love. I’ve felt it myself.