Funny Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Funny with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Funny quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Difference Divorce Funny Trailor
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
YOGI BERRA

Eat Food Funny Hungry Pizza Sarcastic
Here’s my most funniest joke, I’m broke.
LIL WAYNE

Break Funny Myself One Liner Poor
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. MENCKEN

Funny Justice Law Student
Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.
MAYA ANGELOU

Funny Humour Love Time Virus
On life’s vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.
ALEXANDER POPE

Funny Life Ocean Passion Reason
Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
A. E. HOUSMAN

Free Funny Humor Ignorance Irksome Object Plan Time
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
ABBA EBAN

Alternative Behave Exhausted Funny History Men Sarcastic Teach War Wise
I love only one girl, one in every town.
ELVIS PRESLEY

Funny Girl Humour Love Sarcastic Town
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Expectation Funny Life Oneself Sarcastic
Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

Funny Past Time
I was an only child and I had a mother and father who were just – there wasn’t a straight man in the house, and I mean that in a very nice way. They were fun, and we would laugh a lot.
BETTY WHITE

Children Funny Laughter Mom Myself
When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn’t get out, something is seriously wrong.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor Serious Wrong
I do not think, therefore I am a moustache.
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE

Funny Myself Thinking
Why is the rum always gone.
JOHNNY DEPP

Alcohol Funny Gone One Liner Rum
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
ALFRED HITCHCOCK

Endurance Funny Human Movie
Don’t be like me. Be better than me. That’s the goal.
MICHAEL JORDAN

Funny Goals Goodness Motivational Positive
You know that I’m too drunk to talk right now. You put your cigarette out on my face.
POST MALONE

Alcohol Cigratte Drunk Face Funny
Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
ANONYMOUS

Funny Greatness Sarcastic Trash Waste Yourself
I like girls who are intelligent, somewhat funny, and pretty with a nice personality.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO

Funny Girl Intelligence Personality Pretty
I had once thought I would become a doctor but gave up on the thought soon enough. I took up the racquet instead. Later, when I saw my sister studying so much to become a doctor, I was like, ‘Thank God I am a shuttler!’
PV SINDHU

Badminton Career Doctor Funny Give Up See Sister Study Thankful Thinking
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA

Come Conquest Driven Ego Funny Humor Lie Lying Sexual Tend
I feel like I’m the kind of guy that would have kids before getting married. The first thing would be kids.
THE WEEKND

Feeling Funny Guy Kids Marriage
Some things are so serious, they can only be joked about.
NIELS BOHR

Funny Joke Science Serious
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Fight Funny Lose Person Ugly
Poor empty pants with nobody inside them.
DR. SEUSS

Empty Funny One Liner Pant Poor
All I want to know is where I’m going to die, so I’ll never go there.
CHARLIE MUNGER

Death Funny Myself Place

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