Tim Allen Quotes

Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.

I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.

I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.

Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.