Tim Allen Quotes

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.

My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.