The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'ROURKEAlways read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
P. J. O'ROURKE






