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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.

P. J. O'Rourke

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Bad Change Done Sometimes
A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Humorist Much Note Really Talk
The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Classroom Problem Public School Underfund Union
Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Military People Revolution Rich Shoe Terrorism Uniform
The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Know People Pont Poor Purpose Real Welfare
I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Got Little Love Simple Straightforward Thing
Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Book Elite English Except People Poor Speak Xenophobia
I read good. I was an English major.
P. J. O'ROURKE

English Good Major Read
No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Answer History Human Humor Literacy Obligation Probably Provide Under
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Cat never Panic Wear
Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Flatter Gossip Object Present
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Children Everybody Except Know People Raise
Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Draw Exceptional Happiness History Human Island Litle Peace Point Prosperity Sure
I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Analysis Commentary Fellow High Member News Place Quite Source
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Government Illegal Product Sell
It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Always Better Fun Make Someone Sure You
Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Black Church Classical English People Preach Scheme Speak Troop
Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Business Cancer Country Nice Place Show Southern Spread
The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there’s a reason for that – the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent – No Child Left Behind.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Behind Civil Downfall Government Importance Local State Treat War
Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Creep Economy Enfeeble Evil Image Individual Law Rule
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Act Enough Government Idea Pay People Whole
Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Edit Simply Surrender
When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Elite Gutter Homeless Park Person Place Say
If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Care Expensive Free Health Now Think Wait
No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Collapse Daily False Industry Journalism Memory Print
Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Cater Communist Country Hate People Person
Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Everybody Extent Xenophobia

Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.

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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.

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