I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
P. J. O'ROURKEI had always thought of Egypt as a rather secular country. And I think it is, but people are quite observant of the strictures of Ramadan.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
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America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
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Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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Once you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
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Regulation creates a moral hazard.
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The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
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I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion.
P. J. O'ROURKE