Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the ’70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
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A fundamental American question is, ‘What’s the big idea?’
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A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it’s got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It’s not pretty. But it’s striking, I’ll give it that. It’s not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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If you spend 72 hours in a place you’ve never been, talking to people whose language you don’t speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don’t understand, and you come back as the world’s biggest know-it-all, you’re a reporter. Either that or you’re President Obama.
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You’re never going to read ‘The Wealth of Nations,’ and you shouldn’t, really. It’s 900 pages.
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
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Global warming is a fact. Now it’s up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
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Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
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The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
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Once you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
P. J. O'ROURKE