The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.
P. J. O'ROURKEMikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
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The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can’t do, shouldn’t do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
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To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let’s hope so.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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You can’t destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America’s elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and about half the time, you’re doing us a favor.
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As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
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Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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Adam Smith’s huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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I had always thought of Egypt as a rather secular country. And I think it is, but people are quite observant of the strictures of Ramadan.
P. J. O'ROURKE