The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas – fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
P. J. O'ROURKERegulation creates a moral hazard.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
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I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can’t do, shouldn’t do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.
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Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it’s so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I’ve received a spam text.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
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The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
P. J. O'ROURKE