Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
P. J. O'ROURKEPreachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
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America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
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New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
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I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived.
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Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
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Once you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
P. J. O'ROURKE