I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
P. J. O'ROURKEFamily love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the ’70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.
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I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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Global warming is a fact. Now it’s up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
P. J. O'ROURKE