Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
P. J. O'ROURKEThere is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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Term limits aren’t enough. We need jail.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
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The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
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I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
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The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
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Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
P. J. O'ROURKE