There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
P. J. O'ROURKENew Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
P. J. O'ROURKE