Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren’t carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
P. J. O'ROURKE