A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
P. J. O'ROURKEI’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
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Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
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The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry – knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud. You can apply that rule to left-wing social programs, but you can also apply that rule to credit derivatives, hedge funds, all the rest of it.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas – fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
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The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I’ve been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there’s a reason for that – the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent – No Child Left Behind.
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Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
P. J. O'ROURKE