The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren’t carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
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In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
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Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
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Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
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As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'ROURKE