There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
P. J. O'ROURKESupposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
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A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
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By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
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Global warming is a fact. Now it’s up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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Once you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
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Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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A fundamental American question is, ‘What’s the big idea?’
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
P. J. O'ROURKE