black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

P. J. O'Rourke

The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Big Each Era Shirt Thought
I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Carpenter Make Stop Terrible Thing Wood
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Act Enough Government Idea Pay People Whole
Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn’t matter.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Cash Change Climate Climatologist Matter Maybe Research Threat Troll
We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Government Human Nature Need
Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Flatter Gossip Object Present
There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Away Men never One Sie Sooner Take Thing Women
I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Country Dirty Enough Now Old Over Remember
The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Association Card Country Desire Down Editor Green People Turn
It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Always Better Fun Make Someone Sure You
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Animal Children Eat Exception Human Purpose
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Government Illegal Product Sell
Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Benefit Bring Hero People Rich Wealth
A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Humorist Much Note Really Talk
New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Independent New Poll Registered Republican Unreliable
The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Average Beauty Citizen Democracy Lead Random Unremarkable
You can’t destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America’s elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and about half the time, you’re doing us a favor.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Country Detroit Down Elite History Think
Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Broken Interest Like More Paint Person Place Probably Sensible
The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
P. J. O'ROURKE

Administration Attack Country Gun Hell Nut President Religious
As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Former Live National Sarcasm Seam Probably Writer
The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Behave Four Go Look Normal Reverse Ring Three Weider
Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Creep Economy Enfeeble Evil Image Individual Law Rule
The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Again Budget Control Government Much Over
The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the ’70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Divorce Prior Rate Reason Relation Seventy Until Veen
The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Better Average Citizen Country French Monkey Smallish
Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Advocate Animal Association Head Lice National Own Prediculosis
Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Adaptively Computer Little Native Odd Science Seem Social Society Strange

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes