This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
NORM MACDONALD