The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
NORM MACDONALDYou know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
NORM MACDONALD