The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
NORM MACDONALDThough you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
NORM MACDONALD