Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
NORM MACDONALDThough you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
NORM MACDONALD