Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
NORM MACDONALDThough you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
NORM MACDONALD