I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
NORM MACDONALDI don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
NORM MACDONALD






