I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
NORM MACDONALDThe first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
NORM MACDONALD