I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
NORM MACDONALDThe first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALD -
I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
NORM MACDONALD






