Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
NORM MACDONALDViolent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
NORM MACDONALD