I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
LILY TOMLINI guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
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What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
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I worry about kids today – because of the sexual revolution, they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.
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The larger picture is really to swing people’s awareness of what really is moral.
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
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We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.
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There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It’s just a matter of timing. It’s like you’ve marked your territory.
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If you can’t be direct, why be?
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My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.
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If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
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Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
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After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
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When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
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Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
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There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
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Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
LILY TOMLIN