Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERSA Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS