With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERSA Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS